Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture

Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture is a collection of feminist essays compiled by Roxane Gay. First published in 2018, these essays consider what it is like being a woman in the twenty-first century, and why we must do more to counter our society’s desensitized view of rape culture and sexual assault. It won the 2019 Lambda Literary Award for an LGBTQ Anthology. A popular writer and editor, Gay’s work has appeared in publications such as The Los Angeles Times and the Virginia Quarterly Review. She is a qualified creative writing teacher and a published novelist.

Not That Bad is an anthology of twenty-nine essays, each authored by a different person. Women authored twenty-seven of the essays. The works share in the condemnation of rape culture and gender inequality. Readers should be aware that some essays in the collection might be triggering for those who have experienced sexual abuse or harassment.

The anthology begins with an introduction from Gay in which she discusses her own gang rape and sexual trauma. She remembers looking for ways to mitigate the trauma so she could deal with it on her own. For example, she told herself repeatedly that being gang-raped wasn’t the worst thing that could happen, because she is still alive; it happens to many girls. For Gay, it was easier to block out the memories than confront them.



Through speaking with other survivors, Gay realized that many women minimize their trauma or avoid thinking about it completely. This anthology, according to Gay, is a chance for these women to see their abuse for what it is, and to accept that it is “that bad.” Only once survivors accept the magnitude of what happened to them can they move forward from it.

Gay explains that society can’t move forward, either, unless it knows where the starting point is. We must acknowledge the sexual abuse and harassment taking place all around us; only then can we work together to forge a safer future for everyone. The more survivors speak up about their experiences, the larger the conversation grows.

The testimonies in Not that Bad cover the troubling reactions that survivors face from friends and family. In “Picture Perfect,” Sharisse Tracey recalls how, when she was just thirteen, no one supported her when her father sexually assaulted her. She begged her family, friends, and churchgoers for help, but no one wanted to hear about it. Tracey’s story is very common.



Allegations of sexual assault are also common within the entertainment industry. In the essay, “Stasis,” Ally Sheedy talks about the sexual harassment she encountered daily in the industry. She was told that her career wasn’t going anywhere because she wasn’t sexually desirable. She now teaches acting in New York, and she advises aspiring young actors how to handle uncomfortable situations.

Some survivors reflect on what lessons they must pass down to their children. In her essay, “Reaping What Rape Culture Sows: Live from the Killing Fields of Growing Up Female in America,” Elisabeth Fairfield Stokes discusses her own sexual assault and how she teaches her daughters to never let trauma define them. They decide their own self-worth, no matter what happens to them.

Other parents teach their male children to treat females with respect. In Gabrielle Union’s essay, “Wiping the Stain Clean,” she explains that she teaches her sons about sexual entitlement. She reminds them that no one is entitled to sex just because they feel like it. Union was sexually assaulted behind a store when she was nineteen and the memories still traumatize her today.



Some essays discuss the impact of sexual assault and trauma on healthy sexual development. In Anthony Frame’s essay, “I Said Yes,” he talks about how he was sexually assaulted in Grade 6. The perpetrator was his friend’s father. Frame struggles to have intimate relationships and he worries about initiating sex with his own wife. He knows he will probably never fully heal.

Another writer, Miriam Zoila Perez, describes what it is like to have relationships with survivors. They often bring sexual difficulties into the bedroom and it is very distressing for them. Like Stokes, Perez wants survivors to know that sexual abuse doesn’t have to define someone forever.

Rape, sexual harassment, and abuse affect every aspect of our culture, according to Michelle Chen in her essay “Bodies Against Borders.” She talks about how women, children, and other vulnerable people face sexual exploitation in border camps and detention centers. These people are easy targets, offered safety in exchange for sexual favors. Chen hopes to raise awareness of these unacceptable behaviors because there is an urgent need for change.



Gay and the others emphasize that, since we need a conversation about rape culture, we can’t censor the discussions. Survivors don’t owe anyone a palatable or watered-down version of their trauma. They must face their pasts and accept that sexual abuse is not normal, okay, or ever excusable. They cannot keep pretending that it’s “not that bad.”