The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters

Expanding on the claim that sharing revealing or even dark stories can be beneficial to gatherings, Chapter 7 assets that introducing controversy can actually deepen an event’s purpose rather than destroy it. Parker again criticizes the rules of etiquette, which for the last several centuries have explicitly discouraged people from talking about certain topics (like sex, politics, or religion). Yet a side effect of the modern age’s fear of controversy is dullness. She asks readers, “When was the last time you heard a panel moderator ask a tough question instead of tossing softballs? When was the last time you saw a couple of panelists truly argue about something worth arguing about?” (228).

Parker tells the story of a meeting of a powerful architectural firm she moderated, intended to decide the company’s future direction in bold terms. Instead, the participants timidly stayed in safe territory, avoiding strong disagreements out of courtesy. To save the event, Parker revamped it as a mock wrestling match and established some pop-up rules; participants were divided into opposing teams and would have to choose sides on issues, for instance. To keep things playful and engaging, Parker even played the Rocky theme music.