When I Was Puerto Rican

Esmeralda gets caught stealing coins from the baby’s piggy bank. An old neighbor woman is looking in the window at that moment and tattles on her. Short after, she attends a Sunday school meeting at a local church. The congregation is led by Don Joaquin, who has a deep, commanding voice.

The church is full of calm, sedate people that she knows from the neighborhood. But when Don Joaquin begins preaching about repentance, Christ, and letting go of their sins, those same people are whipped into frenzy. They cry and shout, waving their arms and singing. Esmeralda can’t believe her eyes and ears. She wants to join in, but isn’t able to. She can’t quite get past her fear of making herself so vulnerable.

She tells Papi that she dreams of playing the piano, which causes a mild argument between her parents. They can’t afford a piano, but Don Luis, her school principal, says she can come practice at his house. They won’t have to pay. Papi will do some carpentry on his house in exchange for Esmeralda’s piano lessons. She enjoys her lessons, but Don Luis begins to make comments about how she should dress, and refers often to her outfits. Mami grumbles, saying this is because she is “casi senorita” (almost a woman). Esmeralda likes the idea, even though she knows Don Luis might be inappropriate.

Esmeralda learns that her mother is going to New York again. She and her siblings stay with a woman named Tita Generosa, a foul-mouthed, credulous woman who only cooks oatmeal for them. They love her, but she does not give them enough limits. Esmeralda takes out her frustration over her mother’s absence on Tita Generosa, who eventually tells Papi that they are too much for her. They are returned to Tio Lalo’s house. 

Mami returns from New York with a new confidence that Esmeralda admires. However, when men start to whistle at Mami on the street, Esmeralda is frustrated. If her mother belongs to the men who look at her, how can she also belong to her children? Papi comes to live with them again, and has his own private area of the house. He is withdrawn and distant. When Esmeralda sneaks into his private space, she sees a disturbing book written by the medieval seer Nostradamus.

Her parents start a business, a food truck, but it doesn’t last long. However, their relationship has improved, or so it seems. After Mami comes back from New York, it is important to her that they be married, which causes great contention. Esmeralda hates the sound of their fighting, which is a contrast to the soap opera radio programs she has fallen in love with. She spends a great deal of time at night fantasizing about romance and handsome, mysterious boys. A boy named Johannes asks if he can carry her books, and suddenly everyone in her family teases her about having a boyfriend, which makes her angry.

Johannes comes to visit her at home. The visit is pleasant, but uncomfortable. When he leaves, Esmeralda watches a man come out of a house where rich people live. He reminds her of a movie star and she thinks of ways to make herself more attractive for him. As her own feelings and desires grow, her parents fighting grows unbearable. Mami says that they are moving to New York. Papi won’t marry her and she doesn’t know why she should stay. Edna, Raymond, and Esmeralda will go with her. The other children will stay with Papi until Mami can save enough money to send for them. Papi drives them to the airport and they share a sad goodbye. 

On the airplane to New York, Mami tells her that the stewardesses can fly anywhere in the world for free. Esmeralda thinks that if she could fly, she would go to places as far away as possible, like Timbuktu. They land in Brooklyn and meet her mother’s mother, Tata. She also meets Don Julio, a friend of Tata’s. They try to catch a taxi, but a driver looks at them hatefully and mutters a word that they don’t know. It seems to be something negative about Puerto Ricans.

On the ride to Tata’s, Esmeralda is surprised by the city. While she had not expected flashing lights and Broadway dancers on the streets, but the streets are horribly cold and dark. There is very little excitement of any kind. When they arrive at Tata’s apartment, Esmeralda meets Chico, her uncle. He makes a delicious soup for them all and they all talk about the adventure to come. Esmeralda is forced to admit that she is excited about the newness of the adventure. But she is also scared.

The next morning, she wakes up at six and looks out the window. The apartment is small and stifling. She is aware that she does not know where anything is, a sensation that makes her feel as if there is nothing she can go do. She hears the sounds of garbage trucks, babies crying, and tries to look forward to their visit to the market. They promised her that she would love it, an open-air market stretching for a block, where people can sell whatever they want.

On the way to the market they see a pair of orthodox Jewish men. They are the first Jews Esmeralda has ever seen. When she asks Mami about them, she has no answers. When they arrive at the market it becomes a disappointing experience. The vendors all try to barter with Mami, who is used to it. They want to charge her more than she is willing to spend. When the day ends they have less than half of the things they need. They go back the next day and the experience is no better.

In a restaurant, they see a group of Hispanic men, morenos. Mami tells her that the morenos do not like them. They say that the Puerto Ricans like Esmeralda’s family are taking all of their jobs, so they do nothing to help them adjust to the new country or to feel welcome. Mami says that she needs work, and that no work is beneath her. Esmeralda thinks it would be a shame if her mother came all the way to America just to become a maid.

On her first day of school they meet with a man named Mr. Grant. Esmeralda is supposed to start eighth grade. However, he explains that when non-English speaking students arrive, they begin one grade behind so they can catch up. Esmeralda, in her own halting English, says this is unacceptable. She wants to go to eighth grade. They strike a bargain: Mr. Grant gives her until Christmas. At that point, if her English is insufficient, she will go back to seventh grade. She agrees. Mami is proud of how good Esmeralda’s English is.

She is put in Miss Brown’s learning disabled class. After one week, her enthusiastic teacher puts her in the front of the class. From that point it feels like she is teaching Esmeralda alone. The school is enormous and full of groups that want nothing to do with each other. The black and Italians students hate each other. The Puerto Ricans like her do not mix with American-born students who have Puerto Rican parents. Esmeralda feels guilty for wanting to learn English and liking American food, but she lacks a group that truly accepts her. She will take what she can get.

They move to a bigger home in the projects. Shortly after, the rest of Esmeralda’s siblings arrive from Puerto Rico, without Papi. Esmeralda has her first period and is grateful that her mother knows what to do. The new home is cozy. Much of the winter is spent with Esmeralda telling embellished fairy tales and the whole group listening. The children see snow for the first time, and it feels magical.

After four months, Esmeralda is reading and writing English at a high level, and high enough that she is noticed by the other students. She is still in Miss Brown’s class, but it is like she has become another person to the other students. Finally, she hopes that she might begin to fit in.

Mami gets a boyfriend named Francisco. He is much younger than she is, but they seem happy together. She blushes when he comes over, and he brings presents for her. Esmeralda and the other children enjoy playing games with him and see him almost every day. Tata says, however, that Mami is setting a bad example for her children. What will they think of her, a woman with seven children carrying on with a man in his twenties?

The chapter ends with Esmeralda standing at her window. A trucker sees her and begins touching himself sexually. She watches, both horrified and fascinated. She thinks of all the times that women have told her that the mere sight of a woman is enough to make a man lose his mind and start rubbing himself. It’s sad and predictable. But then she does something different: she smiles at him. He immediately goes limp and is obviously flustered. “Whatever he’d wanted from me he didn’t want anymore, and I was certain it was because I’d been too willing to give it to him” (Chapter 11, p. 240).